I think about Love a lot. I intentionally cultivate Love in my Life. I tell my friends and family and even some clients and business associates that I Love them at every opportunity. Sometimes, it is work to choose love over fear or some other essence-diminishing emotion. And I always come back to Love. Love feels better than anything else I could choose. Love, left to its own devices, only brings light and blessings and peace. Love, however, gets blamed for a lot of the pain and suffering that people experience in their relationships.
In exploring this seeming duality, I decided to start with the basics. What literally does Love mean? Love, as defined by our friends at Webster, means: a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (maternal love for a child); an attraction based on sexual desire; affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests (love for his old schoolmates); warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion; unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. And I wonder, what, in that definition, can cause all the pain that I see in relationships? Affection, attraction, devotion, concern are all acts of generosity, of caring, of "feel good" energy. So, what's the problem?
Where the confusion starts is the responsibility that we put on Love. Go back and read the definition again. Notice that there is no mention of permanence, money, a house, fidelity, cars, marriage, security, death, returned phone calls, jewelry or eternity. Love absolutely can lead to discussion and agreement around these ideas, but by no means are they defined by or required in order to deeply fulfill it's role in our lives.
Love is just pure Love and like water, creates and beautifies best when it can flow. Freedom, space, individual beauty and self-expression all bring Love to life. Demands about what Love is supposed to do, other than flow, are like boulders dropped into the stream. Expectations and demands, as in "If you loved me you'd...", create an opposing vibration in what is designed to be synergistic and easeful.
Allowing Love to flow doesn't mean that a home, marriage, investments, dinner parties or gifts aren't supposed to happen. These things, however, live beside Love and not as a consequence or evidence of Love. Commitments always remain as a sideline to the Love experience. We come together to feel Love. We make deeper agreements in order to deepen the expression and flow of Love. We leave each other when we forget that Love is the goal. Then, we find ourselves looking for Love again.
As we navigate the landscape of Love in our lives, acknowledgement and gratitude are wonderful tools for remaining present with our Beloved. Deep felt connection in the present moment is Love's only destination. So, the next time thoughts move to the future, money, a project or a vacation, let's not travel too far down that road before we come back to the present moment where we can look into our Lover's eyes, touch their hand and feel the presence of Love - the only true reason we are with them in the first place. ~
